Monday, May 21, 2012

Camping Sex


Even if you are not an outdoorsy kind of person, if you are dating over the course of a summer, you are likely to find yourself and your date communing with good old mother nature at some point. No matter what your definition of 'communing with nature is' (and that can range from tenting on a backpacking trail and using a Johnson-log to relieve yourself all the way to a 2 story cottage overlooking a lake, complete with Jacuzzi spa, hot-tub on the deck, and a boathouse, you will likely find yourself sharing many romantic interludes with your loved one. All that fresh air and all those sunsets are
natural sexual invigorators getting her in the intimate frame of mind, and reminding him about the natural side of being alive. Plus, there are those full moon nights with lots of bright stars – hopefully while you end up skinny-dipping together. Likely all of these activities will result in 'sex in the wild'. There is however an element of health risk involved, so you should not just do the 'down and dirty' without being prepared. Big city living means that you do not have some of the natural resistance to bacteria that your cave dwelling ancestors did, so you must be more prepared than they were able to be.
 
Problem: Dirty Sex (And Not “Good” Dirty, Either)
Being outdoors exposes you to a lot of dirt and grim. It is just a natural outcome of being outdoors. It cannot be helped. Normal outdoor activities like starting a fire, cooking over a campfire, cutting wood, and just the smoke and bug sprays leaves you a much less desirable person to be around from an intimacy point of view. No matter how amorous you might feel, the Hollywood movie version of an idyllic and loving camping trip or nature walk are unlikely to happen unless you take care of basic sanitation necessities. So there are a few recommendations. Wash up thoroughly before bedtime. When roughing it in the bush, take a container of 'wet wipes' with you to help keep yourself sanitary in your nether regions.

 
Solution: Wash As Much As Possible
This is almost a catch 22 issue. Most parks have access to shower facilities, but sometimes these are overloaded, or sometimes you may not be close enough to avail ourselves of them. Going during off peak hours – like after midnight – is a way avoid facility overload. If you sneak in together, you can have a shower, and then shower sex together (likely though, unless you are in a same sex relationship, one of you will be busting into a facility meant for the opposite sex – maybe three in the morning would be better).

 
Problem:  Threes a Crowd
Tents are just not good at blocking sound. When you have sex at night, especially if one of you is a screamer, be prepared for anything from amusing looks or accusing looks from the campsites around you. In the worst case you may get a visit from the park authorities (and hopefully not in the middle of the act).

 
 Solution: Long Nature Treks
This one works like a charm, as long as you remember some basic safety tips. First, don’t go where there are bears. They can kill the mood and you’re partner. Second, do not go at night for a sex hike. It is too easy to get lost, or stumble and hurt yourself. Better to go in daylight and pick a seldom-used trail. Third, bring a blanket. That way, if you accidentally lay down for the hot times on a fire-ant hill, they’ll have a difficult time getting revenge on you while you’re in the middle of you’re sex. Also, let your camping party know you’re going for a hike.  Now they can send the rangers for you in case you get all caught up in your escapades and do not get back in time.
Have fun this summer!

 
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